Submission Sucks

This is going to be one of those blog posts in which I am extremely honest... again. You've been warned.

I want to follow God whole heartedly. I want to spread His fame all over the world. I want people to know what God has for them and what Jesus did for them. I want for there to be a well-spring of life flowing from within my heart and flooding my life so that others may see the Lord I serve.

I want all of these things, but still I don't trust in God all the way. I mean, I do trust Him. And I do live for Him more than a lot of people in this world. But thats not what He asks of me. I have to give all of myself in order to truly love and trust Him. James chapter 4 says that "if I draw close to God, He will draw close to me." I know this to be true. When I read the word and pray/talk to Him, He does amazing things. And when I don't do these things my life suffers.

See, right now, I put up a pretty large front. I appear to be happy to most people. But on the inside I am a total wreck. I can go from "happy" to angry/sad/down/shut down mode in a matter of seconds over the dumbest things. It has began to effect a friendship and has gone farther than it should. Sometimes, I just write it off as something that happens from time to time. But its become so frequent that I often fear that it is depression.

But here is the thing. I know what the problem is. I don't try to draw closer to God a lot of the time. I don't feast on the flesh of Jesus, nor do I ask the Father for wisdom, knowledge, or even an appetite for the word. all of these things I should do yet I do not. Isn't that silly? Foolish? ABSURD?!

I think it is.

So if you are reading this and have any sort of advice (other than read the word and pray) please share...

 

"And your name is?"

1 John 2:15-17 says this..

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love for the Father in not in him. Because everything that belongs to the world - the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride in one's lifestyle - is not from the Father, but is from the world. And the world with its lust is passing away, but the one who does God's will remains forever.

There are so many people who say "I love God" and probably think that they do indeed love Him. They are at "church" on Sunday and Wednesday, know the words to worship songs, and have their bibles with them at every service. As far as one could see, these people would truly love the world. But so many times, there would be another side to these people. They have a different set of friends that they "go out" with. They are known for their partying and desire for a "good time". The truth is, outside of the church building, nothing screamed Jesus. But that's okay, right? At least they are in church on Sunday and Wednesday, which is better than most people can do, right?

But if what 1 John says is true, then the love for the Father is not in them. The love of the world and its lustful sins are what truly resides in their heart. And like the verses say, "the worlds with its lust is passing away." So would that mean that someone who calls their self a Christian and "prayed a prayer" yet still lusts after the world is going to remain forever or pass away? More on that in a bit...

Now, the person I have been talking about above is someone you, the reader may know. Honestly, it is me. Or at least it was. But for you to understand this, I have to confess something to you.

A few weeks ago, I hung out with some friends of mine on a boat. We had some beer while we were out but nothing out of line. We stayed out for about 5 hours before coming in. There was a party happening that night for my friends that were leaving the next weekend to go back to school in Knoxville. I knew there would be drinking going on and I went with a friend to get some drinks to take over there. When I got to the party, there were quite a few people there. I had some good beer from a local brewery in Nashville and that's all I had planned on having. One of the guys who lived at this place had a few guitars and He and I began jamming a little. The people in the kitchen were drinking way more than I had thought and I decided to have some too. Later, something in my head decided i should try to catch up to those who had been drinking more, so I took more shots than I should have. Long story short, I got drunk. I had never felt this drunk in my life (only been drunk a few times, and that was years ago), and it didn't feel very good. But I didn't care too much. While I was trying to help someone, who was passed out on the deck, try to sit out of the way, I had a sobering-of-the-heart (not mind) moment. I kinda heard the question "why are you here?" The rest of the night I focused on this question as much as I could. I did get sick, and I did feel terrible the rest of the night.

The next morning was Sunday, and I made it to church for service. I couldn't sing to God. I wanted to but as hard as I tried I couldn't. It wasn't until I addressed the problem with God that I felt okay to sing. Like God had been asking me "Are you seriously about to stroll in here like nothing happened last night?" So I knew I needed to talk to God and confess my sin, and thats what I did.

(Before I continue, I must apologize. I'm sorry about claiming the name of Christ and doing these things. If you read this and are angry with me for it, know that I am so very sorry for what I have done and please continue to read.)

The week after all of this I felt like complete garbage for my actions. And the week after that, I met someone who was on fire for God. And as the conversation that we were having continued, I began to see the face of Jesus in her. She was moving her lips but the Holy Spirit was doing all the work and speaking to me. She talked about how she had been "saved" when she was younger but it wasn't until 2 years ago that Jesus had Lordship over her life. That blew me away because I thought to myself "Is Jesus the Lord of my life?" And the answer was an obvious NO. The Holy Spirit then said this through her:

Matthew 7:21-23

Not everyone who says to Me "Lord, Lord!" will enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in Heaven. On that day many will say to me "Lord, Lord! Didn't we prophesy in Your name, drive out deamons in Your name, and do many miracles in Your name?" Then I will announce to them "Depart from me! I never knew you, you lawbreakers!"

I thought to myself, "Man, if I die right now, is that what Jesus will say to me?" The thought scares me. So for the last few weeks I have really been trying to live for God. I have allowed Jesus to have Lordship over my life rather than on Sundays and Wednesdays and sometimes throughout the week. He has renewed and appetite for the Word, showed me how to recognize the opportunities He gives for me to share His Word, and He has developed friendships with people in which I can learn more about His Word. All this because I have allowed Him to rule my life. I truly gained life by giving it up!

We all go to heaven, and are all held accountable for our lives. The question is, will Jesus know your name and account for you?

Romans 23:1-2 says this...

1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

The above was highlighted tonight at church. A good man named David Mcamens (sp) conversed with us about how we couldn't do anything for God if it weren't for his mercy. David tends to go on tangents from time to time (and by that i mean quite often) and his tangents are always helpful in understanding the point that God is trying to get across through him, and they are usually pretty hilarious. However, one of his tangents spoke volumes to me tonight. In this particular tangent he said "I came up with this today, it may be cool, it may not be cool. Our vision must be in God's submission for us and therefore our lives in submission to Him." And after he said that, I had a light bulp begin to flicker and then come on full power.

See, I recently read Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, and this man has such a vision and passion for the poor. As many people can attest, this book can really rock your foundations when it comes to your attitude towards the poor, as it has mine. So as I read this book, I was thinking about a friend of mine named Brandon Berger. Brandon has gone to Nashville to feed the poor numerous times and has developed the beginning of a passion that i can see in him. I recommended this book highly to him. He had it for a day or two before he called me saying "Man, I want to go sleep with the homeless now." I told him I knew how he felt, but the truth is, that's something that I just throw around out of habit. The even more evident truth now is that I too want to sleep with the homeless and get and idea of what they face. I want to know what their troubles are. How i can help. How God want to move me towards helping them.

Any thoughts on this would be much appreciated, and you don't have to be a member to comment!

P.S. A lot of my most recent daily thinking have come from a combination of God, Steven Bush's blog and Aaron Ivey's blog, Irresistible Revolution, and the first few pages of The Barbarian Way.